When Good People Make Bad Decisions

I’m really patient with my students, but that patience does not extend to other aspects of my life.  I’m always in a hurry to go nowhere, especially lately.  And with that impatience, I’m easily annoyed.  So here’s the first in a series of rants posts about good people who make bad decisions.  Full disclosure, I’m guilty of some of these myself.  

Am I being judgy here?  You bet.  And I’m apologizing for it ahead of time.  I find it’s easier to point out things I dislike in others rather than take ownership of my own faults.  That makes me a hypocrite – and I’m hoping by making this public it will also keep me honest.  Maybe I will think twice before committing these offenses.  No promises, though.

Today we’ll discuss the clueless driver.  It’s another pandemic in our society.  These drivers are everywhere.  One of my favorites is the driver who pulls out right in front of you.  This is a swift move designed to test your driving reflexes.  You need to be ready to brake when that same driver slows way down.  And, yes, you’ll receive a dirty look from them when you can finally pass them or reach the traffic light.  The gift that keeps giving. 

How about the clueless driver who leaves their blinker on for miles?  Why can’t they hear the blinker noise?  When, for the love of Pete, will they ever make the turn?  The answer is, they won’t.  They have no intention of turning and every intention of going straight, while blinking, for the next ten miles on a two-lane road.  Oh, the frustration.

The bad parker has a special place in my heart.  This clueless driver secures a prime parking spot, and bonus points if it’s during the holiday season.  They take a spot and a half, so unless you’re on a bicycle, you’re out of luck.  Continue to circle the parking lot.  Sometimes, tiny car drivers perform a variation of this by pulling their car so far forward it looks like the space is free, but no.  No, it is not.  Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Some drivers don’t turn off their high beams even when you repeatedly blink at them.  And what about the driver who doesn’t have lights on at all, even when it’s dark outside?  They don’t seem to notice that they can’t see their dashboard or the road.  Give these cars plenty of clearance, because they are on a special ops mission, under the cover of darkness.  It could be a matter of national security.  They are working to keep you safe.

How about the close parker?  It’s the driver who parks next to your car at the very far end of the parking lot.  This usually happens when your car is brand new and you’re trying to keep it away from other cars.  This clueless driver can detect that new-car scent, and trace it to your car.  They then park in the space right next to yours, even when there are only a few cars in the entire lot.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  

A variation on this is the extremely close parker.  This driver parks so close to your car that there’s no way to open the door.  You have to climb through the sunroof to get back in.  If your car has no sunroof, then you will have to keep the door shut and enter through the window, Bo and Luke Duke style.  Hopefully you’re not wearing Daisy Dukes when you attempt this. 

How about the driver who blasts their music while waiting at the red light?  This is usually a warm-weather phenomenon, but I’ve seen it done successfully in the winter as well.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not always in the mood for heavy bass on a Sunday morning.  I might not even like that genre of music or that song in particular.  Just yesterday I had to roll down my window and ask the elderly woman in the car next to me to turn down, “Who Let the Dogs Out?”  She said she was late for church.

Finally, there are the clueless drivers who don’t pull ahead at the drive-through.  Maybe I’m hangry, but there’s no social distancing for cars.  Don’t make me shout my order twenty feet from the speaker.  And please, have the payment ready.  None of this fumbling in the back seat for your purse at the window.  Your total of $39.95 was given at least ten minutes and four cars ago.  I’m always behind the car with the big order.  The person with the black coffee and prepaid app is in the other lane.  Trust me.   

I can be a clueless driver, and I’ve never met a curb I didn’t like.  It’s kind of my thing. It’s a trademark, really.  Once in a while, I might even hit a trash can for variety.  There was also that mailbox incident when I was in high school.  How was I to know the side mirror could get wedged under the mailbox post?  It was a sticky business to resolve, and later to explain, since it wasn’t my car.  

I hate to brag, but I haven’t parallel parked since phones started having cameras.  All that guesstimating and wheel turning is exhausting.  And then there’s the search for a pen and paper to leave a note on each of the cars.  It’s enough to drive a person to drink. Well, all this talk about clueless drivers has made me thirsty.   I’m signing off to go create a new drink, the Road Rage, and meditate. Cheers!